Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
