Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
