What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
