Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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