That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
