just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
