I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
