today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Is Oprah even human
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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