I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
