We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
