I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
