Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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