So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
