It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
