good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
