i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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