And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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