Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
