Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
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how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
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They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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