I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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