So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
