totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
