she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
