another moral hangover. fuck.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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