hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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