Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
