after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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