remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
