i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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