no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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