Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize