: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
