New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
