Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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