You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
