And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He felt like a one man threesome
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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