I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
