party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
