aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
