i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
