your parents love me but you hate me
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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