That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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