He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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