He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
