i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
