His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Please don't give away my fajitas
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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