Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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