it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
