When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I deserve this hangover.
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