Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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