I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I love you. Go after that dick
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
