I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
if only i could text you this smell
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
