Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
