Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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