what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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