Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
