omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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