Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
