Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
