My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
