sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
