just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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