if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
