is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
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I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
As shirtless as possible
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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