If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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