I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
