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you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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