I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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