I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
