He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
