I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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