i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Your penis caused this!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
