I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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